Big_Ed
Tremoraholic
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2021
- Messages
- 611
- Reaction Points
- 2,300
- Location
- Louisville
- Military
- USAR Retired/Disabled
- Current Ride
- N/A
I know I don't know you all very well, but for those of you who are religious, I am asking for prayers.
Today, I had to put my 15 year old PTSD fur son to sleep. I had him for 13 years. He was a 4.5 pound toy poodle. I was treating him for a UTI last Thursday and Friday. Sometime between 1 am and 8 am Saturday morning, he suffered some sort of brain injury event while we both slept. I had to wake him up Saturday morning at 8 am since he didn't get up with me as he had every morning prior for 13 years. I noticed he was very lethargic and when I took him out, he could barely walk. When I noticed what was going on, I took him to the ER vet and they put him on stronger antibiotics and. He was stable, his labs were all good except his white cell count was still high due to the infection. I gave him the antibiotics and had to feed him with a syringe since he stopped eating. Mind you, at the time, I didn't realize he had a brain injury event and chalked it up to a high fever and being weak from being very sick. His fever never got over 104, which is not that high in a dog, as 103 is still normal. So I took it as he was just a sick little man. On Tuesday, he took a more severe turn as he wouldn't walk at all and was barely conscious. I immediately took him to the ER and they kept him overnight. His cardiac ultrasound showed mild mitral valve issues that he has been on medication for since he was 5. So low cardiac output was not the cause of his weakness, as they suspected.
So since no medical tests or labs that a regular vet hospital can do explained his neurological clinical issues, we surmised today that something had to happen while we slept Saturday morning. Did his temp spike to critical brain injury levels, did he throw a clot, did he have a stroke? No one knows. All we know is that he was his spunky 5 year old acting self when we went to bed, and when we woke, he was weak, sick, wouldn't eat, and couldn't hardly walk. So this evening, at 5:30 pm, I put down my PTSD buddy, who in 2009, saved my life preventing me from taking my own life. I won't get into that, but I need all the prayers I can get so God and Jesus can get me through losing my son and best friend.
I made a promise to him that he could rest peacefully knowing that I would be ok without him and that I would remember him with love and gratitude every day, and that I wouldn't undo the hard work and love that he gave me for 13 years, by taking my own life when he is gone. I asked him to find his sister who was put to sleep in 2012 and my dad who died in 2011. I know my dad will hold him close till I get there to hold him again. I also asked him to check in on me from time to time.
I will miss him forever and I know I will only get through this with the Grace of God and only with his strength. This will definitely be one of the times where the Footprints poem is very appropriate. If I get through this, it will be because Jesus carried me through the sand.
I know some will say it is just a pet, but until you have PTSD, almost have it take your life, and have a special angel save your life and provide 24/7 support to you, then you'll never understand that bond. I feel like my heart has been ripped out by having to make the call to end his life. I never had children to pour my time and love in, so Kenzie was my son and I poured my love and energy into him for 13 years since he saved my life litterally.
Thank you for allowing me to share this story with you all and I thank you with such gratitude and love in advance for your prayers. This picture was about an hour before I had to put him down. They let me spend as much time as I needed with him. God Bless them. Some say dogs don't go to heaven. To those I say, God please wrap your arms around my baby for I don't want to go to a Heaven where our fur babies are not with us.
Today, I had to put my 15 year old PTSD fur son to sleep. I had him for 13 years. He was a 4.5 pound toy poodle. I was treating him for a UTI last Thursday and Friday. Sometime between 1 am and 8 am Saturday morning, he suffered some sort of brain injury event while we both slept. I had to wake him up Saturday morning at 8 am since he didn't get up with me as he had every morning prior for 13 years. I noticed he was very lethargic and when I took him out, he could barely walk. When I noticed what was going on, I took him to the ER vet and they put him on stronger antibiotics and. He was stable, his labs were all good except his white cell count was still high due to the infection. I gave him the antibiotics and had to feed him with a syringe since he stopped eating. Mind you, at the time, I didn't realize he had a brain injury event and chalked it up to a high fever and being weak from being very sick. His fever never got over 104, which is not that high in a dog, as 103 is still normal. So I took it as he was just a sick little man. On Tuesday, he took a more severe turn as he wouldn't walk at all and was barely conscious. I immediately took him to the ER and they kept him overnight. His cardiac ultrasound showed mild mitral valve issues that he has been on medication for since he was 5. So low cardiac output was not the cause of his weakness, as they suspected.
So since no medical tests or labs that a regular vet hospital can do explained his neurological clinical issues, we surmised today that something had to happen while we slept Saturday morning. Did his temp spike to critical brain injury levels, did he throw a clot, did he have a stroke? No one knows. All we know is that he was his spunky 5 year old acting self when we went to bed, and when we woke, he was weak, sick, wouldn't eat, and couldn't hardly walk. So this evening, at 5:30 pm, I put down my PTSD buddy, who in 2009, saved my life preventing me from taking my own life. I won't get into that, but I need all the prayers I can get so God and Jesus can get me through losing my son and best friend.
I made a promise to him that he could rest peacefully knowing that I would be ok without him and that I would remember him with love and gratitude every day, and that I wouldn't undo the hard work and love that he gave me for 13 years, by taking my own life when he is gone. I asked him to find his sister who was put to sleep in 2012 and my dad who died in 2011. I know my dad will hold him close till I get there to hold him again. I also asked him to check in on me from time to time.
I will miss him forever and I know I will only get through this with the Grace of God and only with his strength. This will definitely be one of the times where the Footprints poem is very appropriate. If I get through this, it will be because Jesus carried me through the sand.
I know some will say it is just a pet, but until you have PTSD, almost have it take your life, and have a special angel save your life and provide 24/7 support to you, then you'll never understand that bond. I feel like my heart has been ripped out by having to make the call to end his life. I never had children to pour my time and love in, so Kenzie was my son and I poured my love and energy into him for 13 years since he saved my life litterally.
Thank you for allowing me to share this story with you all and I thank you with such gratitude and love in advance for your prayers. This picture was about an hour before I had to put him down. They let me spend as much time as I needed with him. God Bless them. Some say dogs don't go to heaven. To those I say, God please wrap your arms around my baby for I don't want to go to a Heaven where our fur babies are not with us.
Your best friend will be waiting for you patiently at the rainbow bridge brotha. I know the pain, lost my lab of 11 years, 3 years ago to nose cancer of all things. Horrible thing to go through. Miss my boy everyday!
brotha, I know it sucks. You won’t be the last person that goes through this unfortunately.
